Feel Me, Its Real!

Feel Me, Its Real

This beautiful essence presented to you by grand design

You made me, you crave me. In your dreams you replayed me; where like autumn leaves you allow yourself to fall. The laughter and playful chatter of people walking by. One hand pulls my waist in snug and you push my hair aside, just to say you like me and your open~~wide!! We smile and a kiss for now is all. Like a picture from a movie scene that only the mind of a lover sees. Never spoken because romance is for the weak; is what society perceives. As you lay yourself down to sleep with an emptiness and of desire.. Wants; needs. You've fallen and were never caught; your hearts been betrayed. Still you Fantasize about who I will be, your last kiss, forever, and everything. You yearn for what you know in your soul is real.

This beautiful essence  presented to you by grand design.

Feel Me, Its Real

Its not the sweet carmel mounds that arouse the inner flame; or the coco milk poured from an opened spout. That feeling is a moment of passion, connection, and yes while it explodes into a feeling you cant explain. The art needed to receive that feeling~~magnified~~is a mental thang. Explore with me the ecstasy of where you wanna go. I can take you to forever with a smile and hello. Close your eyes and let me whisper my name in your ear. You will know by the vibration in your drums that resonates.. Thump.. Thump.. the beating of hearts~~in unison. Let me tell you who I am and this is real and not a game. I will be for you the laughter from your soul, the essence of your presence, confidence in your stance, the humble words you command. I am the fire in your eyes, the direction in your drive, the motivation for your purpose, the reason you breath life.

This beautiful essence is presented to you by grand design.

Feel Me, Its Real

I want to be for you what is real in a life of uncertainties.  Not to love you with expectations of compensation. I want to share with you a world where only two souls who are ready to go. I was made for you and maybe you'll never know. In friendship, I will love you till your heart tells you so. And in time if my purpose was to prepare you for her... You will be ready for this beautiful essence of "Love" presented to you by grand design.

In Love with Love DTD

OCT 2013

Universal Truth

Sitting in the airport is a common theme for me. Traveling is more frequent than it has ever been in my life. Through the course of my life; really my existence....I have created an idea of what life has become for me. It's not really complicated in the sense of execution but it has become apparent to me that life is complex because of one thing. SELF.

We are so focused on our inability to fully recognize the truth of our existence. I don't know if its a social phenomenon manifested by nurture or nature. Either way it has become a universal truth. That somehow we are the direct reflection of our life experience! While I believe that experience has a direct correlation to our behavior... I truly believe that our ability to awaken to the truth that we are the master of our destiny is becoming more apparent in my walk in this journey we call life... More apparent in that there is a lack of... Many people walk around so webbed in their own thoughts that there ego consume 95% of there behavior. When we talk about zombies.... I truly believe that walking dead behavior is a true testament that~~ as human ~~ we walk around living in our thoughts~~not allowing our truth to manifest our destiny.... Or lack of.

Why do we spend so hours allowing our thoughts to determine our behaviors, performance, social  interactions. Why do we allow the umbrella of social acceptance drive our life in respect to our religion, politics, social norms. I'm convinced that we think that we are living our best life but the reality is we are really living a universal perception of our TRUTH. I am what society expects me to be. So, society then has the ability to mold your personal truth based off social acceptance.

Feel free to draw outside the lines. Ask the questions that define your personal truth and expand the
Boundaries for your personal existence. There are guidelines to living life and the Bible is a testament to really building a solid foundation. Be cognoscent that it is the concrete that enables you to build your life story by story and that your empire is your ability to create your won truth... And that is universal... There is no timeline for success... It is your truth that fundamentally excites the mass and those masses are seekong their own truth. They are looking for a place to begin their truth. Your empire like your story has office space...

We are the standard barrier for our perception of reality. And while it is an individualistic effort... We all have a universal desire to do one thing.... That is the ability to learn our own worth and reaso for our existence... That my friend so Universal....

What is your Truth........

Yesterday's Tomorrow

I was thinking about yesterday and how I would change what had become. Me sitting in my room in an unconscious state and very much alone. Why is it that I am without someone to something to call my own. Thinking about yesterday's and all that went wrong. I looked up at the clock and it was a quarter part 10:00. I laid in bed at 2 cause I felt like I had nothing to do. In the course of that time as it slowly tic toc'd all I could do was stare... At the phone, the TV and the ceiling.....but all that was there, were the thoughts of faults of my past and the emptiness of my future. I didn't think I was depressed just stressed. I didn't want to go anywhere. Didn't want to have to wear a smile that wasn't really there. Entertain folks who don't really care. Sitting in my room, while melancholy melodies and blues filled the air.
That was my life once upon a time when I kept thinking that I could rewind the hands of time and if I couldn't I would try to make tomorrow better by focusing in my past. I was manifesting a cypher of continuous distress. Trying to relive moments making a difference from the yesterday... but really only created similar situations like a broken record, over and over was the outcome, because I was reliving What wasnt meant to be changed. It can't be exchanged its written and thru. Part of lessons learned you have to let go. Learn and move on.
The best part of life is living Has to begin with you
Now is where memories are made, lessons are learned. Bridges are built to cross and sometimes they are meant to be burned. Then, I started to focus on how to be a better me. Watching into a hour glass focusing on future possibilities. Staring into the future of complete Unknowns. Why do I wonder what the future holds. If it is predetermined or created by me, either way you define it is still a distant unmasked memory. It still hasn't introduced itself but in time it does indeed. So, laying in a room alone musing on all these things. Like how I'll be successful or why things aren't happening. What makes my life feel like its in a rut. It's my thoughts I think that suspends me in time. Plays with my emotions and tricks reality into thinking that what is real is what I was losing in my past and i have to make it up somewhere. maybe in tomorrow cause right now is toooo early and i really don't care. Realizing I was focusing on yesterday and tomorrow and neither of them where here. Like why would I put some much of my life on the line for something I can't change and something that isn't yet defined... Seriously, how many hours have I spent wishing on things that can't be undone and stressing over moments that have not even begun. The crazy part about it is that we hold the key to unlocking our own happiness and creating our own destiny. How did it take me so long to see that the only thing that was holding me back from happiness was me. And as much as its easier to lay between the sheets eating ice cream and fantasizing about probabilities.
What makes life wonderful in all its mystery is realizing that NOW is all we have that's true. It's influences time that becomes a memories and initiates the ability to create and maximize opportunities. Is sitting at home in all that sorrow going to change yesterday or tomorrow. Getting out and living life is the best thing to do. When your in a rut, stopping thinking about what ifs. Think about you and where you are at that moment in time. You should be out living your life. I am starting to realize that nothing in life is free.... Well, there is something that is absolutely free and I know now~It's the time I invest in me. Stop worrying about what can't be changed and contemplating on what the future holds. Today is what is real and happiness now is what you should feel. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee and yesterday can't be recreated. It where it needs to be. Yesterday's tomorrow is the life and where you should live daily.

In Love with Love DTD

Mr. Man of My Dreams :)

Dear Mr. Man (of my dreams)

            Hi! Hope when you receive this letter you are in the best of  health. As for me, I am doing well. I don’t know if you will ever read this;  because you have no face, you are merely a vision of a love misplaced—seeking only to be found.

           I spent endless nights in thought about who I prayed for you to be. Wishing on particulars, men I wish where meant for me. I know you have a reason, why you have shadowed in my dreams and walk with me in

 silence; edifying who you will be to me.

          I see your strength and credence. You’ve  carried me through many tempest—wiped away my tears as they fell like raindrops in a storm.  Regardless of my insolence-- you understood and waited patiently believing in the essence of my character--- You know me--the truth in who I am—the essentials of my makeup; understanding the faults of man. You are the other half to my whole-- withdrawn from you; the missing rib God took from you to create  me; you’ve known together we’d be complete as if all along manifested in me--- your soul mate.

           Hope in time to find you; in my dreams you’ve come to me. I have traveled this path willingly—single and frequently lonely...knowing in time I prepare to be; All the women you want---all you'll ever need. I have

 learned to love myself and prepare to take care of you endlessly. I found my own independence so that you would never have to become a sorrowful man who became a replica of me. Learning who you are instead of sitting at home

 unwillingly. We share a laughter of life’s memories; each with separate but webbed entities. You have your own world and I have mine; but in the end we share in the grand scheme of things--every minute of our time.

     Learned to be patient as you create your  mold; of a person—to have--to spoon and to hold. A spit image of a man; attractive to me—yet not as I expected only how it’s intended to be. Intelligence gained through wisdom—accumulated learning from the streets and a sense so common---book smarts comes with ease. A high sense of accomplishment and a desire to achieve not for you or for me—more for WE! Mastery of your passion- creating perfection through determination and the endless  love you have for me. You’ve shown you have a desire to manifest yourself and display your love and life to a lifetime devotion to the women you find in my dreams. I will be to you Mr. Man ---I will be your aspiration, support and dedication to you without delay. I will sacrifice myself to you and raise your family. Work on hand and knee to create our truth and destiny. Only the word will this be. Only through Gods infinite wisdom and word- my desire is to give you my life; giving all of me to you as you have given to me!. Patiently I will wait for you and I will continue to wait patiently. You will continue to come to me  nightly in  my dreams--in time -- I will finally see, everything I wanted in you-- Mr. Man was always with a face---waiting patiently not in front or

behind but  right long side of me!!!!

In love with love  DTD "2005"

Butterfly

 I was reading a novel an early morning autumn day

Its flowers falling randomly, brushing those away that fell to my face

The rays of sunlight peeped through the clouds and warmth filled my space

Then dancing  under a weeping willow

A single butterfly, new like it had just been released from its cocoon

Flew as if it had been dancing to a joy and playful melodic tune

Its radiance was emacculant

Violet, red and a tint of baby blue

Never had I been drawn to a creature and this became an attraction for my inquisition; enchanted 

I watched as it danced, and wonder where it had been, why it was lonely and traveled without a friend

The butterfly flew with determination for it seemed it knew how to fly but was still in the process of trying to figure out why

So, I laid my novel down and raised my seat to see and I thought I would provide it assistance and take it home with me

I placed it a weaved box and it entered willingly

I took it home and placed it in a big, jar with a top poked with holes in cased it in glass.

watched it fly so freely or atleast At first it seemed.

Daily I would release the butterfly and it would dance in search for its soul and then I would lock it up because it was mine to cherish, thinking I was giving it time to grow

Days passed and watching I could see, that the butterfly was weeping and it colors began to bleed

It never shed a tear, but its dance became a melancholy stance and its energy and determination became more like a task.

The butterfly was my essence it lead to a place of enjoyment, and for that I was appeased

In return its death would be the cost for the feeling it provided me

I opened up the window, it needed space to breathe, I had sheltered that butterfly long enough, I understood and for awhile didn’t want to believe

It danced in excitement as it flew into auburn sunset and I sat on my bed and sighed, picked up the book I never finished even began to write.

Preoccupied with my effect the butterfly had on me

Frustrated with loss and never knowing of its end I knew I would never see that one of a million butterfly ever again

And again I returned to the place under the willow where I ironically I would weep as my heart healed as I wrote new chapter in my book because that is what was  planned in life for me

Days passed and I learned the an idea of me, read and wrote more novels and loved other creatures for there individuality. It was years and I always returned to that tree

Spending hours learning myself and rehashing lifes memories

And one day a flower fell from the tree and a smell of lillies arose and I looked up to see

A butterfly danced as it flew to a joyful and melodic tune

Bright radiance for its violet, red and baby blue had now magnified and this the butterfly knew

It had reached it destiny and found where in life its intent was meant to be

The butterfly had found that its life was to begin and end with me. I knew and the butterfly knew it would always return to me.

Together Always Forever

Last night I had a dream about you. You said we would be together, that we would always be a we and that forever would be our eternity. That was short lived by the alarm clock and getting ready for work became my reality. I was in love with a mirage of a man.

He was full of lies but he made love so sweet. He had me wrapped like the wools clothing on a sheep. I met him at a time in my life when I had just gotten over another. I was busy with my life with no care in the world. To be honest, I was lonely and I didnt want to share my life, if only for one night. For awhile it would seem, I completely happy doing me. Then he came like a thief in the night and stole my heart and sanity sounds cliche but it was love at first sight. Now, I look back I was the ideal fool to the playa's eyes. From the time we met when I thought a mutual feeling. His intense passion was of a hunter who found his prey. He woo'ed me and like a playa he played.

Its not his fault and I will not let him take all the blame. I should of left him go when I realized he was a lame. See, she called me and told me he also loved her and that together always and forever is what he promised her ~~ they would be. DAMN, I was devastated but we had barely met and the distance between is what made me forgive and forget. Because how could you expect distance and a newly beautiful romance be the beginning of wedding bells and a father and daughter dance. I was head over heels in love with him so I believed his lies that I was his true love and in time he would have me as his bride. We were introduced as lovers to family and friends. If I knew now what I knew then; but hey it is something I needed to learn, its part of the life lessons need to make me a better woman for the RIGHT kinda man. You cant make him love you if his heart belongs to another "her". I was naive and maybe I love to hard or maybe I believed him when he said we would be together, that we would always be a we and that forever would be our eternity.

I gave myself to him and to ensure his sanity. See, he didnt make me, I thought at that time for "we". That I needed to be submissive and be the woman a real man needed his Lady to be.  That again, is not his fault either, I stopped being me for us not him. Living my life for his needs forgetting because "we", now I know it was all about him. Not his fault, I misused my time and believe me when I say that I am now fully aware that he never loved me. he abused the word "LOVE" and he will one day see, that women like me are't found so easily.

He kissed, carressed and loved me like I needed to be loved. We talked and shared a romance that some will never understand and maybe that is why there was soo much trust, but I was investing in the idea that  "we would be together, that we would always be a we and that forever was suppose to be our eternity".

In the end, which is what happened ultimately. He found his love with another or the same her living together and I really dont care if it is happy or unhappily ever after.

Let me tell you why, there will not be another tear that falls from my eyes. Love wont hurt you intentionally or treat you with ill intent. Love wont exploit you and make me feel like a fool to self, him or to them. To be honest, I only know the kind of love I know and that loves is real. So, maybe that is the kinda of love he knows and he thinks his love is the real deal.

Just know I will be his shadow in the middle of his day and the evening wind that silently whispers my name. All the moments that reminds him of every moment ~the passion and love I/We made. My love is pure in all my faults and will remain the same. For the right one or many more. He will never feel the kinda of love I gave him and he always regret it and he will compare. He was who he was with me. The person he truly was, he didnt have to lie or atleast thats what it seemed, hahahaha. He was a lie even with me. so forever he can ponder on the way things could of been. While I am making love to my always and forever; together with the right kinda man...it just won't be with him.

Ready to Love again.

In Love with Love DTD

Walk with me

Passion comes in many forms. My internal  drive is stimulated by challenging myself through personal growth, the love of travel and fascination with humanity.

Helping people find their passion (whatever it may be) is a very conscious action for me.  Ours goals may be totally different, but the objectives is the same. For those with goals it is to reach that destination. And in that moment that our paths cross, if we journey towards our goals together. We will both branch off when we reach that fork in the road. It's in those moments that we are strengthened when we are weary and in doubt. In return a bond in friendship and love is created for life! 

Walk with me...

In Love with Love DTD